I Know…

Recently there was a session at Write Club Bangalore about identifying and understanding different gender identity. The goal of the session was to write a piece from the perspective of any one of the genders and fill it with raw emotion, to push oneself out of their comfort zone and write about characters we may have met but never really understood or tried to understand. Kudos to Bright for hosting such a different and challenging session. This is what I came up with.

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I Know…

The diagram of the neatly divided penis stared at Arjun. Ramrod straight arrows spelling out its innards; corpora cavernosa, corpora spongiosa, glans, he licked his lips. The weight on his chest returned, that all too familiar empty weight. Blocking out thoughts of Ashok, he began to draw, strokes of the pencil creasing into the empty page. He drew with a calm, not copying, imagining, not replicating, reproducing; caressing the page drawing emotions, drawing…

“Record work, yaar…”, a voice interrupted him.

Coughing, hurriedly he shut the record, scared Ashok would read his emotions of the page.

“Such a pain, you finished??” Ashok continued lounging on the bed unaware of the unrest he had wrought.

Arjun stared, those long legs crossed at the knees; stared, those lush thighs converging at the groin. Groin, penis, corpora spongiosa, glans, cavernosa; he turned away, a second too late, caught in his lusty lost gaze.

“Kya…” Ashok said checking his secure zipline.

Fumbling, mumbling, h turned to his book, his naked page of emotions. Caressing strokes replaced by urgency he drew now, quicker, his pencil straying, he felt Ashok’s quizzical stare boring into his head. He needed to finish, turn the page, veil the emotions. He heard Ashok rise. His palm sweaty clasped the pencil firmer, shading faster, faster; he felt him draw closer, over his shoulder looking in, into him the pencil frayed the margins, his sweaty palm offering no purchase. Shit, Shit, Shit, his mind flew; turn the page, he’ll know, turn the page. The weight returned, heavier, emptier, the hole within. He felt his breath, his warmth, his heat pour over him.

A soft brush of lips, he felt on his cheek, “I Know”, Ashok whispered into his ear, stepping back and out of the room in quick strides.

The diagram of the neatly divided penis stared at him.

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